I was only fourteen years old when the man who fathered me walked out the front door of our house, never to return as “dad” again.  By the time I was 18 years old I was pretty sure I’d never go to church again, and if I ever did, it would only be to make my kids go because back then I just felt “church is for kids” and there wasn’t anything about the Bible anyone could teach me that I didn’t already know.

Today, I am married with two children, and God is a greater part of my life than He has ever been before, yet still the past haunted me.  My father was verbally and physically abusive, and for years I have asked the questions many people ask about how God could allow such things to happen.  Sometimes I come across some truth that helps, but for many years I simply held God at a distance without ever even realizing it.  God was God – powerful, almighty, and omnipotent – that was it.

Up until recently though, I never could latch onto my part in the relationship I had with God.  I had a great head knowledge of who God is, I started my prayers with the words “Dear Heavenly Father” and could even talk about being a child of God without ever understanding the relationship I possessed.

The other day, while reading “When God Whispers Your Name“, I came across these words: “You may get your looks from your mother, but you get eternity from your Father, your heavenly Father.“  The words “heavenly father” struck out at me, challenging me, and my attention focused on the next words.  “By the way, he’s not blind to your problems.  In fact, God is willing to give you what your family didn’t.  Didn’t have a good father?  He’ll be your Father.”  The book then quoted Galatians 4:7 “Wherefore thou art no more a servant, but a son; and if a son, then an heir of God through Christ.”

I am reminded by the prodigal son, who once he recognized he was not even worthy to be called a son any longer, came back home only desiring to be a servant in his father’s house, only to have his father embrace him and reclaim him as a son.  Then it dawned on me that for years now, I have been struggling with coming to God as a son, because of my own past.

My own father rejected me and rejected any attempts at reconciliation later in life.  His refusal to be a father had spilled into my own perception as a child of God.  I could serve God, but I could never seem to accept my relationship as a son of God.  To that end, my life had been focused on serving God.  Serve God in the choir, out on soul-winning, visitation, teaching a Sunday school class, in missions work, being an usher, working in the Children’s ministry, oh I had the title of “servant of God” down pat.  The problem is, that is where for so many years I had been taking my value.

As a worker in the secular world, you only have value to your employer if you produce.  Stop producing on the job, and soon your boss will stop producing a paycheck.  Your value is in your ability to serve the interests of your employer.  However, in my family, my daughters’ value is not tied up in what they do around the house.  In fact, for the first few years of their life, productivity meant either cleaning vomit off of myself or changing a smelly diaper.

Because they are my children, they have value.  Period.  That’s it.  The only thing they need to do to realize that value is claim their title as my daughters, and accept my unconditional love.  They do not need to earn my love.  They are my daughters whether their performance is good or bad.  I love them because of their relationship to me, not because they are productive or do well.  In my mind, they will never lose value.

However, if they ever refuse to accept my unconditional love, because of some personal shame or guilt they feel, then in their own mind they would lose that value.  Just like the prodigal son, their only recourse in their own mind may be to try to earn value once again by being a servant.  This is where I found myself, and it was at this point I began to realize my value to God is not in being a servant, my value to God is in being a son.

If you have come to a point in your life where God does not feel so much like a heavenly Father anymore, maybe you need to take a step back and ask yourself, are you trying to be His servant or His son?

We’re not humbugs – I love the celebrations of Christmas, and we play Christmas music all December, put up lights, decorate, and throw parties. We just want the celebrations to come from joy in salvation rather than joy in things. So when we realized this Christmas was on a Sunday morning, and we’d have a Christmas morning service, my husband jumped right in to propose some small changes that would give us an opportunity to strengthen our daughters’ connection with Christmas as a joyous holy day. Let’s do all the gifts the day before, and just stockings the morning of Christmas, he said. We can spend Christmas morning reading the Christmas story, lighting the advent wreath, preparing for the celebration of the service, and we won’t have to share it with gift opening.

This is a great idea! I thought. And yet, I couldn’t get my mind around it. I very sincerely wanted to do it. But I immediately felt the counter-pull of tradition. My family never opened gifts any day but Christmas morning. We never had grandparents or other family living nearby, and no one ever worked on Christmas, so we never had to move our gifting to another day as so many other families do. I desperately want to break the link between greed and Christmas, and this idea was just one little tiny change that might point us in that direction. But I had to think about it for 24 hours before I could totally get on board.

There are a lot of traditions in church and in Christian life that are damaging to the body of Christ and the believer, and I’m not always the most forgiving person when it comes to those. But next time I run up against someone else’s tradition, maybe my response will share a little more of the mercy and grace that this holiday is actually about. Tradition is a powerful thing.

I harder question for me to answer is “What is the favorite gift you have ever given?”  I had to think a bit on that one.   This is supposed to be the season of giving, and yet so often I think more fondly on what I have received than on what I gave.  So what do you think?  Is it just me or are we all just a bit too selfish?

Not to sound to hokey, but I think the best gifts I have ever given are the ones I made.  One year, my wife and I made photo frames for a bunch of our family.  Another year it was pillows and bags that we made.  Both times I felt like it just felt so much better to have given something that took more time and energy than just shopping.  I know it sounds totally smug, right?  But hey, even the Grinch knows that the best gift doesn’t come from a store (unless that store is Hobby Lobby.)

So tell me, what was the best gift you ever gave to someone else?

In a totally unrelated note, I want to share a site I heard about earlier today.  Sounds pretty cool and is an interesting way to use the balance on those gift cards you are about to get to help those in need.  Check out GiftCardGiver:  http://www.giftcardgiver.com/index.php

” 3 Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing in Christ. 4 For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love 5 he[b] predestined us for adoption to sonship[c] through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will— 6 to the praise of his glorious grace, which he has freely given us in the One he loves. 7 In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God’s grace 8 that he lavished on us. With all wisdom and understanding, 9 he[d] made known to us the mystery of his will according to his good pleasure, which he purposed in Christ, 10 to be put into effect when the times reach their fulfillment—to bring unity to all things in heaven and on earth under Christ.

11 In him we were also chosen,[e] having been predestined according to the plan of him who works out everything in conformity with the purpose of his will, 12 in order that we, who were the first to put our hope in Christ, might be for the praise of his glory. 13 And you also were included in Christ when you heard the message of truth, the gospel of your salvation. When you believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit, 14 who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance until the redemption of those who are God’s possession—to the praise of his glory. “

Paul is pounding home that we are truly more blessed then we imagine. In verse 8 he uses the word lavished which means: using or giving in great amounts. So my challenge this week to myself is to do what the children’s song suggest and count your blessings name then one by one. Count your blessings and realize all that your great God has done.

I bring this up because I feel there has to be a better way to spread the Good News that isn’t trying to “sell” the Good News.  It is hard, though.  I mean the very nature of trying to tell someone why you think they should follow Christ is to try to convince them that it is better for them than what they are doing now.  And within our culture we know, practice and have perfected the art of persuasion!  It is so tempting to take the tools of marketing and apply them to witnessing.

I am really hitting a wall in my evangelism.  And by “wall” I mean I am not doing it.  I try to be a good witness.  I even try to mention Jesus sometimes.  But I know that isn’t enough.  I have been justified through the blood of Christ.  I should be shouting that from the rooftops.  And yet…

I have a problem with door to door evangelism because it feels too much like selling.  I believe that living as commanded is a great way to be a witness for the Lord.  I know that taking care of the poor, caring for those who are downtrodden is a way of showing the love of Christ, but it takes a long time and you never know if you are being  effective.

What do you think? What is the most effective way that you share the Good News?

Here are some themes I see as extreme:

1.  Liberty in Christ without responsibility.  The thinking goes along the lines of “I’m saved so I can do whatever I want.  You cannot judge me.  Only God can judge me.”  There is no accountability there, and no responsibility.

2.  Saved and Separated and out of touch.  This is the more conservative side of Christianity where the saved take defensive positions within church walls and have no contact with the lost.  They see the world as it truly is, a desperate and sinful place, but fail to see their place in it as equally sinful creatures.  The result is a very conservative outlook on life that borders on, if not falls directly into, legalism.

3.  Then there are those searching for the balance, but even here I have seen a lopsided effort by many.  There are some who try to retain their liberty in Christ by living how they want to live, yet also genuinely seek to minister and witness to others.  Where I see they fail is in the example of a separated and holy life Christ lived.

4.  Conversely, more where I probably tend to fall, I also genuinely seek to minister and witness to others, but still hold to some admittedly preferential issues that to those outside conservative circles would see as restrictive, and thus I get the “legalist” label slapped on me.  For some reason, either the label or my life does not exactly attract the people who were attracted to Christ, and so I continue to search for the balance.

Where is the balance?  I want my kids to grow up with a firm understanding of God’s Word.  I want my kids to understand that to be like Christ is not just about going to church on Sunday, but how we interact with people every day, how we are to be servants and ministers like Christ, and how we have a responsibility to witness to them.  I also struggle with the idea of how one can be a witness to a world if we blend in so well they cannot see a difference in us.

Even a small light in a completely dark room makes a big difference.  If we are to be the light of the world, we have to be different.  Even Paul talks about taking liberty too far, that we can cause others to stumble because of the decisions we make.  More than anything I just want to be effective in ministry, my life an example Christ would approve of, one that God would be able to look down on and say “well pleased.”  Where is the balance?

Our preacher talked about “Responsibility Ripples” this past Sunday, in the adjective, noun sense of what we do affects others around us.  Taking the analogy further though, we see that what we do does not just affect a few people in one part of our life, but it affects people all around us, and goes further than we will ever know.

Just as ripples in a pond radiate outward, it grows and grows in influence touching areas of the pond far away from the event that created the ripples.

When we do something wrong, we set into motion a series of events that creates ripples that have an effect not just locally, as some would tend to believe, and do not just affect the people involved in the event itself.

For example, if someone steals from a store, just the owner of the store suffers right?  Wrong.  One of the reasons things cost more than they should is that retailers have built in costs to cover losses due to theft.  The result is that you and I end up paying for stolen merchandise.  So that is the end right?  Not quite.  The money we end up spending on so many things, due to the inflated costs, mean we are paying much more for many things than we should have to, due to the simple built in costs for theft.  Now, that means we have less money than we normally would.

How does having less money affect your family, or other things you would like to do?  Beginning to get the picture?  Still not the end, though.

The things you choose not to do because of a lack of finances affect other people and their families, and it continues outward.  Some people call this the butterfly effect, but the analogy of ripples in a pond will do.

Fact is, everything you do in a day matters.  A friend I talked with over this past weekend said he prays each and every day that God will help him recognize opportunities to help others.  I believe he is on to something.  I believe every day has at least one opportunity for each of us to make a different set of ripples in our world – ripples that have a positive affect on those around us.

What kind of ripples are you creating?  What are some opportunities you have to create positive ripples every day?

I often forget how well off I am. I focus on what I don’t have instead of what I have. It’s a futile and exhausting effort. So today my challenge is, when we get that overwhelming desire for that new gadget, gizmo, or piece of status, look at all the things we have and read Mark 8:36.

For what does it profit a man to gain the whole world and forfeit his soul?

However, whatever I was going to write about probably would not have been as meaningful (to me anyway) as the post I am going to write now.

Last Sunday night, I preached on prayer for the end of the AWANA year service.  It is something God has really been working on me about.  For so long, I have had issues I have been dealing with on a personal level, and never felt like I could really talk with God until I had them resolved.  Funny thing is, I’ve heard this argument from other people before, and my advice to them had always been – you should still pray!

Problem is, I guess I never really understood prayer until very recently.  I became convicted about my prayer life because I had just given up and essentially stopped taking time out of my day to get alone and pray.  I had thoughts along the lines of: “God already knows everything, so what’s the use?  I can ask and ask all I want, but He is never going to give me anything He does not want me to have, and as His child He will always provide for my needs anyway, so why bother?”

Any of this sound familiar to you?

That was my line of thinking up and until about four or five weeks ago.  It was then that I really started to question the process and procedure of prayer, what it really does, if there is any real purpose, and whether or not it was really worth the time out of my day.  Please note, I still prayed every day, but it was more out of some personal Christian obligation.  I really felt hollow and empty before and after, and I didn’t really feel like it made any difference, so my prayers were always “on-the-go”.  If and when I could get my life issues straightened out, maybe then I could really get serious and pray the way I should – but when I thought about it, the question kept coming up, “What is the way anyone should pray?”

I was led to the passages about the apostles asking Christ to teach them to pray, I was reminded by the chants of hundreds of men in useless prayer to idols on the mountaintop temples in China, I was reminded of the passage in Samuel where fire is prayed down from heaven, and I was taken on a tour of the prayer life of Christ in the Gospel of Luke.  In the end, I concluded that prayer was still obviously something every Christian should do, but my perspective had changed.

Prayer is more than folded hands, bowed heads, and closed eyes in which there is a lot of ceremony but no power.  Prayer really happens when a child of God connects with the Almighty power of the God of the universe, and that power is unstoppable.  What’s more, with the understanding that the life of every Christian is to glorify God, it became clear that we are purposed to pray so that when God answers our prayers, we get the help we seek, and God gets the glory.  More than this, prayer is a personal connection to God.  Much like greeting my daughters and talking each morning, prayer is more than just a list of “please give me” this or that.  Prayer is enjoying time in His presence, like my daughters who kiss me good morning and sit on my lap and talk a while.

It has revolutionized my prayer life, and it is growing.  Tonight, we prayed at Vigil for the Relay for Life prayer requests we had collected at the event.  It was a great time of closeness with God with other believers, and for me personally, it was profound.  For so many years now, prayer had been this repetitious and habitual part of my Christian life, but today I can honestly say it has become so much more, and my personal encounters with the Almighty are so much more meaningful to me now than they ever were.

How is your prayer life – really?  Think about it.  Be honest with yourself.  Is something missing?  I cannot post in one article everything I have learned over the past month about prayer, but suffice it to say your journey begins in Scripture, and if you really want to grow that part of your life, God will not hide it from you.  It is never to late to start, and it is always better late than never.

As I look back over the last couple weeks, I notice what I make time for and the sad truth is that it’s rarely God. I take time to spend with my family. I take time to spend with my friends and even with my church (although I would like to do better with all three), but God seems to get booted from the radar.

I don’t think its because I don’t love him. I think its more along the lines of our relationship is still in the burgeoning awkward stage where when we get together its a little uncomfortable and clumsy (on my end). I know that the only way to get past that is to spend more time with him but since I don’t view our relationship as easy or important as others it gets the slip. Yes I said important, even though I know that it should be the most important relationship I tend to dumb it down a lot.

What about you where does your relationship with God fall on your priority list?