Now, on to today’s blog post.

A few days ago I was at Panera Bread writing about spiritual abuse in my journal. I wrote about how some of my friends who grew up in abusive environments felt like God was abusive, too. Before I knew it, though, I suddenly started writing about being bullied in school, and how that gave me the impression that God was full of wrath and hatred when I was younger. When I finished writing, I realized that I still had this fear deep down inside me that God might not love me.

Maybe that’s why I’m so critical of people like Mark Driscoll, Nate Pfeil, and Paul Washer. When they talk about the cross, they tend to focus more on the horror of our sin than the love of God displayed. Don’t get me wrong, we should never take our sins lightly. But when some pastors preach the cross they say, “Look what you did to Jesus!” I’d much rather hear some one say, “Look what God did for us!”

But I digress…

I’m at a point right now where I feel like God is healing some of my old wounds. I’m learning not to quickly judge people or automatically assume they’re out to get me. The Bible says we should be “quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry” (James 1:19). I, on the other hand, tend to do the exact opposite; I’m slow to listen, quick to speak, and way too quick to become angry. But thanks to God (along with therapy and a new medication), I’m learning how to let down my tough “f*** you” facade.

I’m also learning not to be so hard on myself. I’m not going towards the self-help-super-self-esteem-pop-psychology bullcrap, though. True self-esteem doesn’t come from what we’ve done, but from what He’s done. As Paul said, “May I never boast except in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ, through which the world has been crucified to me, and I to the world” (Galatians 6:14). Sure, I’ve done some good things. I’m a good friend, I have a wicked sense of humor, and I graduated from high school with honors. But it’s all small potatoes compared to what Jesus has done in my life.

Soli Deo gloria–glory to God alone!

For example, when I started reading the Bible years ago, one thing that I really picked up on was the idea of God as the “father to the fatherless” (Psalm 68:5). My dad wasn’t around when I was growing up, so the idea that God is the father I never had really gave me hope. Another thing that I immediately picked up on was the fact that Jesus’ disciples weren’t the righteous religious types who had their crap together–they were outcasts. Jesus passed by the temples of the high and mighty, and instead went to the prostitutes, the tax collectors, and the poor. For a teenage goth kid who equated Jesus with the high-and-mighty self-righteous types, this was definitely a new revelation!

Lately I’ve been studying liberation theology, and one idea from the Bible that is stressed a lot is that God liberates His people from oppression. One of the most well known examples is the Exodus story* where God, through Moses, leads the Hebrews to freedom. Later on in the Gospels we see God do the same thing through Jesus, but it’s a different kind of oppression. When the Pharisees tell Jesus they’ve never been slaves, Jesus responds with, “I tell you the truth, everyone who sins is a slave to sin” (John 8:34). So God is still setting His people free, but this time it’s from an internal oppression known as sin.

When you read the Bible, what are some things about God immediately that pop out to you?

*In fact, during the days of the Underground Railroad, slaves identified themselves with the Israelites escaping to freedom. Just look at the old spirituals like “Go Down Moses.”

For example, this morning I was reading the story of the wedding in Cana. Most people remember this as Jesus performing a magic trick to keep the party going (in David Cross’ version, the disciples also ask Jesus to turn sage into pot). But as I read the passage, some things stood out to me:

“On the third day a wedding took place at Cana in Galilee. Jesus’ mother was there, and Jesus and his disciples had also been invited to the wedding. When the wine was gone, Jesus’ mother said to him, ‘They have no more wine.’

‘Dear woman, why do you involve me?’ Jesus replied, ‘My time has not yet come.’

His mother said to the servants, ‘Do whatever he tells you.’

Nearby stood six stone water jars, the kind used by the Jews for ceremonial washing, each holding from twenty to thirty gallons. Jesus said to the servants, ‘Fill the jars with water’; so they filled them to the brim. Then he told them, ‘Now draw some out and take it to the master of the banquet.’ They did so, and the master of the banquet tasted the water that had been turned into wine. He did not realize where it had come from, though the servants who had drawn the water knew. Then he called the bridegroom aside and said, ‘Everyone brings out the choice wine first and then the cheaper wine after the guests have had too much to drink; but you have saved the best till now.’”–2:1-10)

First, take a look at the first four words: “On the third day. . . .” Third day? Hmm, where have I heard that before? Second, when Mary tells Jesus that the wine is gone, He responds with, “My time has not yet come.” That’s pretty cryptic. What does He mean by that? I’ve heard commentators say He meant it wasn’t time for Him to reveal Himself on the cross yet. But what does the cross have anything to do with wine? The third thing I noticed was Jesus didn’t make wine out of any kind of water. As John points out, this is the water the Jews used to make them ceremonially clean. I also couldn’t help but remember what Jesus said during the last supper when He took the cup: “This [wine] is my blood of the covenant, which is poured out for many for the forgiveness of sins.”

So put all these things together–the third day, the ceremonial washing water, the blood of the new covenant–and it seems like this isn’t just some magic trick Jesus did to keep the party going: Jesus was foreshadowing His own death and resurrection.

What do you think?

So I’ve created Hope Exists, which is a place where people can come, tell their stories, and have hope. It’s broken people supporting other broken people. I know that with my trials and tribulations, I would not be here if it wasn’t for people supporting me. So I’ve decided it’s time to return the favor.

The blog can be found here.

The community Facebook page (which includes a message board) can be found here.

And you can follow Hope Exists on Twitter here.

Hopefully it will save a life.

“Those who heard this asked, ‘Who then can be saved?’

Jesus replied, ‘What is impossible with men is possible with God.’”–Luke 18:26-27 (NIV)

Even though I’m not rich by any stretch of the imagination, I’m sometimes resistant to give to the needy. Sure, I’ll give x amount of money a month to Mocha Club, and I might give a dollar to a panhandler. But to really do justice to the poor, you have to take a serious look at your life and ask yourself, “Do I really need all this? Is there some one else who needs this more than I do?” And, unfortunately, I have a hard time putting my selfish nature aside.

Selfishness isn’t the only thing I struggle with, either. Even though I’m always talking about nonviolence, there are some days where I just want to punch some one in the face over and over and over again. My lips say, “Peace be unto you,” but my heart says, “I’ll put you in the effing rose garden, ’cause I’m capable of it!” And then I feel incredibly guilty about it.

But if I’m reading this passage correctly, it sounds like Jesus is saying God can break through my selfishness and anger. Somehow or another, the Creator of Heaven and Earth will take the time to help a bum like me overcome all the nasty stuff bubbling inside of my heart. It is only through His strength that I can chose good and not evil.

Sometimes it doesn’t feel like He’s helping, though. Sometimes I feel like my sins are way too strong for anyone–even God Himself–to overcome. But then I think, “Maybe I just need to be patient, especially with myself.” Lord knows Jesus’ disciples screwed up a bunch of times! Maybe sanctification is a life-long journey full of ups and downs along the way.

So that’s where I am right now. I’m trying not to beat myself up too much when I screw up, because it’s all a process. I just need to remind myself daily that, “What is impossible with men is possible with God.”

Last week, however, my church decided to try a little experiment.

We have a Hispanic church worship at our church every Sunday evening. Sometimes we pass each other and say, “Hola,” but for the most part the two congregations never really interacted. That is, until this past Sunday when we had a joint worship service for both the Hispanic congregation and the regular congregation. We would worship God together in both English and Spanish, and then share a meal together after the service.

The service began with the Hispanic praise band singing two worship songs in Spanish. Then the regular praise band led everyone to worship. Our sermon was in both English and Spanish; our pastor said a few sentences in English, then an interpreter would repeat it in Spanish. As the service ended, we said the Lord’s Prayer in both English and Spanish, and closed with a hymn sung in both languages.

After the worship service the two congregations shared a meal together. And boy was it a meal! We had Hispanic dishes like tamales and tacos mixed alongside macaroni and cheese and fried chicken. As we ate we all chatted with each other about our churches, our jobs, and our lives. Everyone went home that day with full bellies and a new appreciation for people.

Throughout the day, I kept thinking about in Revelation where John sees people of every tribe, tongue, and nation praising God. God is so much bigger than language barriers, cultural differences, and national boundaries, and I think we all need to remind ourselves this from time to time. Hopefully my church will do this again some day.

For example, near the end he explains the differences between authentic Christian cool and being a self-righteous hipster jerk. Hipsters, as Brett explains, are all about individualism. Everything they do is a self-conscious attempt to be better and cooler than the average square (do people still say “square?”). Jesus, on the other hand, calls us to be other-centered instead of self-centered. He’s less concerned about how “cool” you are than how loving you are. Jesus says the world will know we are His disciples if we love one another, not our Macbooks or our TOMS shoes or our iPods full of Sufjan Stevens tunes (all of which I own, by the way).

I don’t know about you, but sometimes I can be a hipster snob. I’m not one of those kinds of people who want all eyes on them, like Paris Hilton and Michaela Salahi. But I don’t want to fade into the background, either, so sometimes I consciously pick out clothes that I hope will make people think, “Wow, that guy’s cool!” But why should be so concerned about looking cool, when I’m supposed to show God’s love before anything else?

Of course, there’s the other extreme, and that’s getting so wrapped up with church culture that we don’t know how to communicate the Gospel to our peers.

I think the thing to remember is balance. Paul often used culture to help preach the Gospel (1 Corinthians 9:19-23), so I don’t think it’s wise to completely divorce ourselves from culture. I love my Macbook, TOMS shoes, and Sufjan Stevens records just as much as the next guy. However, at the end of the day I don’t serve those things. My main job is to love Jesus and love others, period.

Take for example the Emergent Christians and the Reformed Christians. If you check the bookshelves of any of my Emergent Christian peers, chances are you will see the same authors: Brian McLaren, Rob Bell, Tony Jones, Dietrich Bonhoeffer, Jim Wallis, N.T. Wright, John Howard Yoder, and Shane Claiborne. Chances are emergent Christians listen to podcasts like The Nick and Josh Podcast, Something Beautiful (at least I hope they do!), Losing My Religion, and Homebrewed Christianity. The Reformed crowd, on the other hand, usually has these authors on their bookshelves: John Calvin, John Piper, Jonathan Edwards, R.C. Sproul, and Charles Spurgeon. They tend to subscribe to Mark Driscoll’s sermon podcast, and listen to Derek Webb. You won’t catch an Emergent reading John Piper, or a Reformed Christian reading N.T. Wright. They do, however, agree on two things: the prosperity gospel sucks, and Derek Webb is awesome. Other than that, they tend to stay on their own respective pews, occasionally maybe smiling at each other for a brief second.

Well, I happen to like both John Howard Yoder and Jonathan Edwards. Both Brian McLaren and Mark Driscoll have influenced my faith.

A few months ago on my blog, I said that the Emerging Church should avoid echo chambers and include other points of view in the conversation. Likewise, I think the Reformed Christians can learn a lot from the Emerging Christians. If we don’t listen to other points of view, how can we grow?

She still, however, says she remains “committed to Christ.” Rice is just done with the religion of Christianity. And I can certainly understand where she’s coming from.

When I read the words of Christ, my heart overflows with hope. Here’s Jesus, God as man, going to the broken, downtrodden, outcast people and saying that the Kingdom of God is for them. Here’s Jesus preaching a way of living that’s a complete 180 from the ways of the world. Here’s Jesus laying down His very life so that the broken can be healed, and the outcast can enter God’s Kingdom. Jesus makes me want to leave everything behind, and follow Him.

Now, when I compare all that with the way Christians act sometimes, I can’t help but wonder what went wrong. How did we go from “He lives by the sword dies by the sword” to “Let’s take out Hugo Chavez?” Why is the Prosperity Gospel still popular even though the Bible says the love of money is the root of all evil? Why do some Christians spend so much energy preventing gay couples from marrying, yet turn a blind eye towards poverty?

A few weeks ago I had a faith crisis. I didn’t know what I believed in anymore. I still loved Jesus, but I became fed up with religion. So I had to sort of forget about anything anyone had ever taught me about God, and read the Bible for myself. And the funny thing is my faith suddenly grew! Jesus became real to me again. So maybe we all need to leave religion behind in order to find true faith.

I do, however, make an exception on some things. For example, when I buy coffee grounds I get the fair trade stuff, even though it costs more than the regular coffee. People often say to me, “You’re paying way too much! You need to get the cheaper stuff.” That’s usually when I get on my spiel about how major corporations exploit humble farmers, and how the middle man takes all the money. I figure if my money is going to help workers feed their families, I don’t mind paying a little extra.

I mention all this because lately I’ve been thinking about what Dietrich Bonhoeffer said about cheap grace verses costly grace. Bonhoeffer described cheap grace as “the preaching of forgiveness without requiring repentance, baptism without church discipline. Communion without confession. Cheap grace is grace without discipleship, grace without the cross, grace without Jesus Christ.” Costly grace, on the other hand, “confronts us as a gracious call to follow Jesus, it comes as a word of forgiveness to the broken spirit and the contrite heart. It is costly because it compels a man to submit to the yoke of Christ and follow him; it is grace because Jesus says: ‘My yoke is easy and my burden is light.’”

And if I can be perfectly honest, cheap grace is much easier. You don’t have to worry about changing your lifestyle or thinking about other people. You can just walk around with your head held high because you know you’re forgiven, so you’re free to do whatever you want. Unfortunately, that’s not how it works. I mean, yes, salvation is a gift and not something you earn, don’t get me wrong. But as Romans chapter 6 tells us, we are dead to sin and given a new life in Jesus.

For me, it’s easy to fall for cheap grace because I keep thinking that following Jesus will be a huge burden. While it’s not always easy, it’s far from burdensome, because Jesus already did the dirty work: “In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” (John 16:33)

It’s good to be cheap, except when it comes to certain things . . . like grace.