Sex needs new PR

Three Surprising Things I’ve Learned About Sex

By Jon Acuff

I don’t write a lot about sex on stuffchristianslike.net. (Please insert your own, “that’s because Christians don’t like sex” joke right here.) So when MPT asked me to guest blog during sex week I had no other choice but to draw material from my own sexy life.

Therefore, it is my distinct honor to share with you, the readers of Jesus Needs New PR,

1. God is pro sex.

I grew up believing that God was surprised and disappointed that sex was fun. That perhaps He created it for strictly functional purposes, and upon seeing us discover it was a rollercoaster of awesomeness kicked a unicorn in heaven and proclaimed, “Aww come on, that is not the purpose of copulation!” But I was wrong. For one thing, it’s impossible to surprise God. But more than the reality of that, I’ve personally learned that my spiritual life and my sex life are not developed in vacuums. If anything, the deeper I’ve walked in my relationship with Christ, the more intimate my life has become, including sex. I’d be lying if I said I don’t feel 14% weird when I pray and talk with God about sex but I’m starting to do that and I believe God digs that. Even though I wanted to throw up when my parents used to tell me as a child, “Sex is a wonderful gift from God,” they were right.

2. Sex can get better the longer you’re married.

I can say without a doubt, and with permission of my wife and the future desire to throw up of my young children that will one day stumble upon this post online, that at 8 years of marriage, our sex life is exponentially better than during year one. There is one big caveat though. Sex won’t get better if your marriage isn’t getting better. Sex isn’t like racquetball. It doesn’t follow the mantra of “practice makes perfect.” It’s far too intimate and vulnerable to obey that simple rule of life. It’s not magic. If your marriage is falling apart and every year you’re together feels like one more year of your life you’ll never get back, don’t expect for sex to get crazy good all of the sudden.

3. Sex starts long before the bedroom.

Or the back porch or where ever it is that you and your spouse are doing whatever it is you’re doing. “Compartmentalized sex” where you pretend that you can have no emotional, spiritual or intellectual connection with your spouse all day and then instantly flip some sex switch at night doesn’t work. Sex is a big event built out of small decisions made all day long. When I wash the dishes for my wife, I’m contributing to our love life. When I go to a family event with a kind heart, I’m contributing to our love life. When I do a million little things that I think my wife isn’t noticing but secretly is, I’m contributing to our love life. The more you put into sex the more you’ll get out and the secret is that putting in starts long before you drop Chris Isaak’s “Wicked Game” into the CD player.

I’ve only been married for 8 years but those are the three things I’ve learned about sex. If you’re a teen and you just read that, I won’t be insulted if you throw up. If I went back in time and gave that list to the junior high version of Jon Acuff, he probably would have done the same thing. But if you’re married, print that list out and put it on your fridge. Maybe on the inside of your fridge instead of the outside, that’s really not the kind of list you should be hanging next to a picture of family members and Sunday School magnet knickknacks.