Shame on You… Shame on Me

Saturday night I took my family out for a fun evening of shopping. It was a break from the ordinary. We rarely go out weekend nights, so this was a real treat-even if it was to our local Goodwill. I didn’t think much of it at the time, but then I began to process the evening objectively. Poverty sucks. It makes me feel ashamed. I am a teacher and my wife doesn’t work. I am supposed to provide for my family; which I do. We are blessed to be without real want. We lack nothing. We have a nice house, plenty of food, two moderately-functioning cars, and health insurance. Why then, do I feel so slighted and embarrassed that I can’t afford new things for my family?? Why do I feel like I owe my wife an apology?

I blame myself. I have bad eyes. My eyes are not set on Christ. I am mesmerized by the pretty things of this world and I desire them. I want the things, and I will not stop wanting them. I do not want the satisfaction of Christ’s sacrifice. I want shiny, Chinese plastic; flashy,Japanese technology; soft, European clothes; and high-calorie, American food. These things are driven into my eyes and I don’t see truth, so I feel ashamed. I want to fill my heart with the pleasure of things instead of Jesus.

I blame you too. You have bad eyes just like me. We lock arms and skip down the unending isles of consumer paradise. You encourage me to be discontent and covet your success by showing me all of your pretty new things that I can’t have. You speak as if you don’t have to sacrifice; ever. You enter my house and taint everything you touch: my mind, my wife, and my children. Damn you for that.

Our relationship is a paper mask. You would just as soon cut my throat to let someone with more money, power, or influence take my place.

I love you, but you don’t love me. You don’t even know me.

I love you more than I love the God who hung himself for my freedom.

You told me I was free. You told me I could have it all. You lied.

You make me feel ashamed.

You will never change. You are incapable of change.

But I can….. by God’s grace, I can. I want a new dream. A dream that gives me true hope for humanity, gratitude, grace, and love. A place that doesn’t pit me against my neighbors or family. A time that extols service over selfish ambition. I hope for a real King, under whom I can be find peace and righteousness.

I want you, American Dream, to stop making me feel ashamed.

You are an illusion- a figment of romantic imagination that denies the real Kingdom of Jesus Christ.

One day you will not be here. You will not be able to make me covet or feel like a failure.

One day, I will live in That Kingdom and not be ashamed.